Adventures with Baby H- Part 1

I’m back!!! I took a blogging break from the world for several weeks. I felt the only thing fun/funny and exciting going on in our lives was our news of expecting a Sam/Andrea in October. Since I wasn’t at the point of pregnancy to announce it to the world, I decided to hold off on the blog. Here are our first few weeks as a newly expectant couple. Buckle up, it’s going to be a long one…

Let me start with saying that Sam and I kept this HUGE secret to ourselves for the first 9 weeks. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops..ok maybe just tell our close friends and family…but we decided not to. Sam made a good point- he said “You can only tell your family your having your first baby once. Let’s make it memorable.” We are both the baby of the family, so this totally made sense to us. Our older brothers had hundreds of pictures taken of them as babies and we can only find a few of us, including the professional family Christmas pictures.  Perfect example of youngest child syndrome: for years my family and I would put the Christmas tree up together. Every year, never failed, I would complain about the 10 “Baby’s First Christmas” ornaments my brother had and the maybe 3 I had. I’m sure one was even broken. My family had finally heard enough whining and when I was 22 years old they all bought me a “Baby’s First Christmas 1988” ornament. Well played, well played. I think I finally surpassed my brother in the baby ornament department…at the age of 22.

Ok, back on track…I like to think we are fun people. We like to enjoy happy hour on Friday, or a couple drinks with friends during the week, maybe even a little Sunday Fun-day every now and then. Before this experience I didn’t realize how much fun we really are, aka how much we go out. It is real hard to continue to answer the question of why you’re drinking water over, and over and over again. Sam and I came up with a plan, that in our eyes, was nothing short of genius and just had to work. I told everyone I was on some type of antibiotic. Of course everyone’s first question was “What’s it called?” Being able to play the ditzy, I have no idea what’s going on card so well (Let’s be real, I don’t “play” it, I “live” it), I would simply respond with an over-dramatic “Seriously? I don’t know when I wear my clothes backwards. You think I’m going to remember what meds I’m on?” The plan was nothing short of perfection for the first couple weeks. As the weeks went on, I could see the doubt in our friends’ eyes but only a couple times did I have to fend off the “YOU’RE PREGNANT!!!!!” claim.

One night when Sam and I were discussing the baby in the secrecy of our home (since this seemed to be one of the only spots we could talk about it) we started on the topic of names. Sam was throwing out off the wall names and I was shooting them down every time. It took me a while to figure out he was doing it just to get on my nerves. Once I realized that I started to laugh at the name suggestions. I think the next name he suggested was “Tony- perfect for a boy or girl” were his exact words. Disclaimer: I know several Tony/Toni’s…great people…just not the name I would like to name my child. We were still in the first 9 weeks and hadn’t told anyone yet so Tony started to stick, more as a joke. We would be out with friends and family, “Hey babe, how’s Tony?”, “Does Tony want any of my burger?”, “Did Tony like his cupcake?” Not one person ever caught on to Sam talking about Tony even with the scene I made when he would say it loud enough for all to hear. I hope Baby H enjoys this story as much as we have when he/she grows up. 🙂

Now we are ready for our first doctor appointment. Because I hadn’t told anyone at this point, I couldn’t ask anyone how the first appointment went. I was nervous as all get out but Sam was cool as a cucumber. My doctor’s office is a small little place with only a few patient rooms and a rather tiny waiting room. We walked up to the counter and the first thing the receptionist said was “CONGRATULATIONS!!”. Sam and I both looked around thinking “SHH, someone might hear you say that”. When we realized there wasn’t anyone in the office who would know us we relaxed and nicely said thank you. Her first impression of us probably wasn’t the best.  There was another man and woman in the waiting room so Sam and I had to be on our best behavior while we waited. That didn’t last long.

1. The paperwork-There always seems to be at least one question on paperwork at doctor’s offices that I simply do not know the answer to. This time the question was “What is your race?” I know this seems like a simple question but I always, always get confused about the answer they are looking for…white, Caucasian, American, English? I never know. I asked Sam what our race is and he responded with “human”. This was laughing fit #1. Seriously? Could I have just gotten a normal answer? So then he had to go into a story of where he heard this hilarious answer to my question. A guy he used to work with put this on a form at his doctor’s office, they asked him to change it and he refused because he is of the “human race”. Fair enough, you are right, it is rather funny, especially in a quiet waiting room. So thank you, guy he used to work with for the clever response. I responded with white because I could only get human out of Sam. I’m still not sure if this is the correct answer or not.

2. The pee sample- When I turned my paperwork back into the lady at the counter she informed me they were going to need a sample of my urine and to let them know if I had to use the restroom. No problem. I sat back down for a few minutes, then told Sam I needed to use the restroom and got up. Immediately Sam nearly fell out of his chair, thinking this was the time, as he tried to get up and go with me. I laughingly told him I was just going to the restroom, no need for freaking out yet. The ladies at the desk found it rather comical. As we waited and waited Sam decided that he, too, needed to use the restroom. He was a little worried about the fact that maybe he wasn’t allowed to go to the restroom at a girl doctor. The restroom had to be labeled “girls only”. I convinced him it was ok, he just needed to ask the nice lady behind the counter before heading to the back to use the bathroom. To my surprise, as he neared the counter, he held out his hand to the receptionist and said as serious as can be,

“Do you have my cup ready for me?” I knew he was kidding but she must have missed the smirk on his face.

She stuttered over her words a bit as she responded with a “Si..sirrr..sir, we don’t need a sample from you. Only your wife.”

“Oh, ok, great! Do you mind if I use your bathroom then?”

“No, go right ahead.”

It was a good thing I had already went to the bathroom or I would have no doubt made a mess in the waiting room. Laughing fit #2. The receptionist did not enjoy our humor but I do believe she cracked a smile with this one.

3. The labor story- As we waited we looked through some magazines, of course all of them having to do with babies or motherhood. Sam came across an article that reminded him of a family friend’s story of her labor with her first child and a little fecal matter. Sam is eerily similar to the husband in the story which made the story that much funnier to us. No need to relive the entire story here but this is where laughing fit #3 comes into play. We were still in the waiting room though so we knew we had to try to keep our laughter to ourselves. Impossible. Before we knew it, Sam was crying from laughing so hard, I couldn’t breath and accidently let out a snort or sound of some sort (which then made us laugh harder) and I saw the receptionist peer only her eyes over the counter. Her eyes read, “Dang kids having kids again”. Ma’am we really are considered adults by society. Don’t you worry, our baby will be just fine. 🙂

4. The nurse- To the relief of the receptionist, we were finally called back. As the nurse was taking my blood pressure Sam was playing on the scale weighing himself. I gave him the mom talk, “Sam, seriously? Sit down.” The nurse had a bit more of a sense of humor than the receptionist and responded with they never grow up. As she was taking down my numbers she noticed our address and commented that she was our neighbor.

Us- “Oh wow, you live on Lindsey, too?”

“Yes, just up the road from you.”

“Really, what a small world! We are the second house in from the corner. Where do you live?”

“Yes, I know. I’m you’re neighbor. I live right next door to you. On the left if you’re looking at your house.”

Me (because I have never in my life seen Sam straighten up so fast)- “Crazy! Well, hello, neighbor! You’re the first to know. How’s it feel?”

She might have said something in the next few seconds but immediately Sam and I’s minds started racing. All I could think about was the bounce house that we had in our backyard last summer, the mass amounts of cars always at our house, the singing she has to hear when our windows are open, the dog barking, the ghetto lawn tractor Sam insists on driving around, I could go on. We just got lumped into her kids having kids category, too. Turns out she has probably seen worse. We had a nice conversation about our neighborhood, our dog and she left us with another option for a babysitter, her teenage daughter.

We made it through the first appointment with a little more knowledge, a little less anxiety and several new memories to add to the book. Stay tuned for the next set of adventures with Baby H. It’s going to be a fun ride. 🙂



One thought on “Adventures with Baby H- Part 1

  1. Linda says:

    What a joy…your blog and the “baby news”! I can’t wait for more…of both! love to you both from the “about to be Great Great Aunt Linda

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