In the past 5 months since my mom’s surgery to remove her brain tumor I have had many thoughts take up space in my mind. As much as possible I have tried to keep them positive. If I couldn’t see the light, someone would see the light for me. If I wasn’t thinking positive mother wasn’t thinking positive. It hasn’t always been easy trying to think about the good rather than dwell on the bad. But I’m also not naive enough to ignore facts, or statistics, or information doctor’s have given us.
Because of the facts there has always been the not so great thought of losing my mom. Five months ago (a week and a half after learning my mom had a tumor) I sat on a hospital bed holding my mom’s hand, trying to hide my tears when we were told by her surgeon how ugly and aggressive her tumor was. He said statistics show the tumor usually takes it’s toll on the body within two years. As the next days came I thought of everything I wanted my mom to be here for. New babies, birthdays, holidays, the day to day laughs, the after school phone calls. There was no way I could fit it all into just two years. A dear friend changed my perspective and told me I couldn’t think of it as only two years. She told me to think of how much time I had to do all these things. There have been long days at doctors appointments and car rides to get blood work done. In those days I’ve spent a lot of time with my mom talking, laughing, crying, and doing things we have taken for granted. Living in the now.
I’ve been told, “Andi, some days it’s really freaking hard to find the good.” Touché, my friends. There are going to be days that overall just plain suck. But you’re breathing, right? You probably ate something you enjoyed or talked to someone who makes your heart happy.
Here’s why I remind myself to focus on the good. Last week mother’s oncolologists told us how impressed they are with her latest MRI. Where the tumor once lived is now healing well and her brain is going back to normal shape. They are starting to wean her off her forever long list of medicines and are still hopeful about the results of therapy. Through the hospital stays, blood transfusions, sleepless nights, everything is working. Working better than expected. So I show you this. My reason for finding the good.
MRI scans from left to right: August 26, July 4, April 24 (two days after surgery), April 20 (two days before surgery). The tumor is / was the white spot on the left side of the pictures. Amazing. The best part? That hideous tumor they thought would grow back? As of now, there are no signs of him making a return. Even more amazing. Mom’s journey is far from over and we know it may still be long but for today and the days to come we are so very thankful.
So, people, instead of wasting time figuring out answers to questions you have no control over, worry about today. Enjoy the moment. Do what you’ve wanted to do for years, today. Love your people and love yourself (especially when it seems a little harder than it should). Change your mindset, change your life. We only have so many days..make them count. ❤